I’ve been pretty quiet in life the past couple of weeks. Work has been crazy, I’ve been feeling like I’m going crazy and I just haven’t had the energy to keep up with everything. The amount of hours I’ve spent in bed instead of doing ‘healthy’ things is probably embarrassing and the amount of times I’ve doubted my recovery is worrying.
Don’t get me wrong, I never for a second thought that once I was ‘healthy’ again that life would be plain sailing. I’m not that delusional and I’ve always been more than realistic about how the whole thing works.
That being said, I don’t think I expected it to be this much of a struggle either. Or maybe I just hadn’t thought that much about it – I never thought I’d be healthy again.
January doesn’t help. I’m near certain that I suffer from SAD, but I can’t help but question where I’ve just got a bit of SAD or if my depression is creeping back in – and that’s hella scary.
I think the scariest thing is that I’m just not sure I can do it again; the sleepless nights, the exhaustion, how ill and crippled it made my entire body. When at my worst, I caught every bug under the sun and constantly had a stream of colds. Since getting better, I’ve been ill once in 7 months and, instead of lasting 3 months, it lasted 3 days.
The difference in me, in every aspect of my life, is indescribable and I just don’t want to go back to where I was. Jeez, it’s not even that I don’t want to go back, I just can’t.
However, I’m trying not to dwell on it too much. The more I think about it, the worse it will make me. In trying to tackle the problem, I’ve got my work/ life balance during the week right on track. I go out, I see people and try not to come how and work late into the evenings. It’s the weekends that are the worst. I’m so mentally and physically tired that I just can’t do anything, meaning I’m far too reluctant to make plans! Something I must improve on in the future.
For now, that’s all I’ve got to say really. I’ve got four more get ups until half term, where I’m hoping I can spend a lot of hours blogging, scheduling and catching up on all the things I’ve missed – do let me know below what you’ve been up to!
p.s. I totally reused this picture cuz, jokes, like I have time to take a new one and I’m current frozen solid and reminiscing how warm and cosy my bed is.